You can imagine how excited I was when I was told that Bangkok had several BJ bars. I love Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and I was over the moon that there were bars dedicated to purveying the icy treat. So you can also understand my disappointment when I discovered what BJ bars are really about. There is only one thing that could help me get over my disenchantment, and fortunately that one thing is exactly what BJ bars are really about. So it all worked out.
For the uninitiated, the process is quite simple. First, get dumped by your girlfriend for playing Grand Theft Auto too much. Then go out for a walk to clear your head. Next you need to walk past a BJ bar where women working there will ask if you are interested in coming inside. They are usually pretty clear about what they are offering. You say yes. You go inside, you buy a drink for yourself, perhaps one for her, or perhaps you don’t buy a drink at all, and then she glazes your lap-ham. Then you give her money. And then you leave.
There are several places to choose from, such as Sukhumvit Soi 7/1’s Dr. BJ. I must warn you that I suspect that there might not be an actual doctor on the premises. There are however several nurses. There is a staff of about 20 or 30 working there, with two locations directly across the street from each other. Drinks are only 100 baht and the place is clean, bright (maybe too bright) and well decorated. When it comes down to getting to it, you are taken to a secluded area where you and your nurse (or two nurses or three, depending upon the size of your… you know… wallet) get your heart rate up. You can spend as much as 30 minutes, theoretically. You will owe each nurse about 800 baht when it is all over, unless you have some very specific needs, in which case, you need to arrange that before hand.
Kangaroo Club on Patpong doesn’t have nurses, but the treatment is the same, although the environment is less upscale. Patpong also is home to Star of Light, and Soi Cowboy is where you will find After Skool Bar. Lollipop Bar is on Sukhumvit Soi 10, and just down the street on Soi 8 is where you will find Lolita’s Bar. In several of these places, although there are private rooms, you may still witness other gentlemen given the women the short end of the stick (by that I don’t mean tipping poorly) out in the open. Most bars open before noon, so you can get on with your day.
A friend gave me two great tips. One: watch out for women who have recently eaten Som-Tam, the super-spicy Thai delicacy. You want the memories of your evening burned into your mind, not anywhere else. And second, don’t take staff recommendations on who to spend your time with, as they will undoubtedly point you in the direction of those who need the work the most because they are new and are still cutting their teeth on … oops sorry, bad choice of words.
Remember that it is possible to pick up more than memories from this kind of activity, as well as it is possible to transmit your past bad behavior on to others. Prostitution is illegal in Thailand; so don’t offer yourself up for money to any of the women.
I had a Saturday night free so I thought I would give the good Dr. BJ’s establishment a visit. I was invited in by a lovely nurse who took my vitals, and by vitals I mean 800 baht plus a 200 baht tip (which was, of course, the second tip I gave her that night!) She performed admirably, but obviously the climax of the performance was all up to me. I delivered. So, that took care of 7 minutes of my Saturday night. I spent the rest of the evening handing out bibles for the local church group.