Our modern world, where Facebook keeps a record of everything you have ever done… including past lovers, makes keeping your secret past secret almost impossible. You can delete your own photos, but what about all those other drunken party photos you are in on other people’s profiles? There is no getting away from your past it seems.

Kids today, (says the old man), will have to deal with having everything about them available for all time. No running away from your nerdy, gangly, ugly high-school days. It’s just a short scroll-down from today’s latest banal post of the picture of your lunch.

Welcome to the New Realities

But what about those who are keeping a bigger secret than the fact that they had braces and were a member of the chess club in high-school? (I just picked those two examples at random! Don’t judge me!) What about people who have made such a change in their life, that you wouldn’t even recognize them?

Aom* is a lady-boy who tries to live her life now entirely as a woman, and is trying to put her life as a boy completely behind her. She dresses and behaves as a woman 24/7. She still carries a Thai I.D. card with a picture of a much younger her as a boy, and she still legally has a boy’s name, all of which is absurd in some ways as what use is a photo I.D. card that has a photo of someone of the opposite gender who looks nothing like you?

But much of a Lady-boy’s life is anything but simple

Aom works as a receptionist and has no part in, or time for the bar scene, especially the girly-bar scene. She is still pre-op, but is saving up for the operation. She is attracted to ‘normal’ straight guys, i.e. guys who are not particularly into the kinky ‘idea’ of a lady-boy. This makes things tough for her, as there is always that looming moment in every new relationship where she must reveal her little secret (which she admits, ain’t so little)!

She has had mixed results. Of no surprise to anyone, including Aom, some guys pack up their racquet and leave the court the moment they realize that everyone has brought their own equipment.

Keeping four balls in the air is more than many men want to attempt to juggle

There have also been the angry reactions, which Aom is stoic about, “It is a big thing to keep secret,” she explains, “And I know why they are angry when I tell them. They feel like I have been cheating them. Sometimes I am surprised that they haven’t already figured it out. But other times I know: oh boy, this is going to be a big shock!”

But she has also had, fortunately for her, the reaction she has hoped for: one guy, although surprised, has been very accepting, and was far enough in love with Aom that he was able to look past the physical, which is exactly the way Aom sees it. “It is just a physical thing. I am a woman inside.”

The fact that there is an operation in the future might also have helped to make him feel better, Aom explains.

“I am not really liking boys who like lady-boys, even though I am one,” she explains. “I am just wanting a normal guy who loves me. I am a woman, and I want to find a husband just like any other girl.”

*name changed for this article.

By Mark X. Here

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